question of the day;
would you date a dealbreaker
if i knew, i wouldn't.
but what if you already dropped into the well?
should i stay there and accept fate, pray that the well would shrink to exist
or escape from the well?
or
huff and puff i'll close both eyes
what's so hard honestly, to kick a habit, or to leave me?
xtxintong
Thursday, 22 November 2018
Monday, 29 October 2018
our secret
the euphoria , the passion
i feel the heat,
our bodies slowly twitching
your lips hard on mine,
just like the little kid
something wet and muscular,
exploring my capacity
those naughty hands travel,
following the beat
slowly but surely,
you’ve reached the viscoelasti-city
make a little twirl,
make sure your eyes are still on me
one more thrust,
and here we go baby
oh let’s take it slow,
we’ll count the numbers,
slowly but surely
we’ve warmed you up enough,
my little kitty.
one more arch,
it’ll be time for the big bad bully
but before we go in,
let’s do a little tease
shift your lips down,
pursed on the moist tip
give it some attention,
play with it
suck it like a popsicle,
the harder, you win
oh now i can’t control,
I’ll have to push you down deep
engulf the little kid,
well girl you know you want it
a little salty,
a little sticky
don’t shoot it all out now,
i want it in me
now here comes
the big bad bully
he’s prepared to tear
the little kitty
position it, and feel it deep
i wanna feel mr bully
rubbing me clean
now how do you feel
do you like it
im picking up speed
oh it’s coming
I’m losing control
baby hold me
it feels so good
with you engulfing me
hey not yet,
control it
I haven’t see you
beg for it
beg for entry
the louder, you win
tell me you love it
I’ll let you make a home in me
oh how sweet those squeals,
it’s symphony
i see the kids’ growing,
filling with seeds
your eyes shut tight,
obviously enjoying the meat
I’ll bring you to heaven
baby let’s hit
going faster,
oh such speed
don’t you think you’re gonna come
soon on me
it’s time baby,
you may release
let him go wild and free
all in me
the thick sticky substance
now I feel it
I love this hot load
you’re freaking sexy
baby baby,
I take it all in
I contract and make sure
not one load drips
wish upon a star
today, let’s wish upon a star
we’ll put our hopes,
we’ll invest our dreams
but oh how far,
the little prince wondered
this brightly lit angel wandered
honey, would you leave me a scar?
just like how other stars did,
would you leave me and make me weep
maybe it’ll be better to grab my car
and run to the bar
drowning myself in drinks seems more plausible
than wishing
the sea
and so she slowly drifts,
right into a state of uncertainty
plunging down to the reef,
in desperate hopes for tranquility
yet what embraced her was grief,
as she struggled to keep her sanity
all she wanted was to breathe,
but the water was making it a tragedy
“what a thief”, she gurgled in the sea,
as the salty water slowly took her energy
her muddled soul finally leaves,
“may you remember only the happy memories”
right into a state of uncertainty
plunging down to the reef,
in desperate hopes for tranquility
yet what embraced her was grief,
as she struggled to keep her sanity
all she wanted was to breathe,
but the water was making it a tragedy
“what a thief”, she gurgled in the sea,
as the salty water slowly took her energy
her muddled soul finally leaves,
“may you remember only the happy memories”
Sunday, 28 October 2018
fluttering eyelash
here's it for a new we
been months,
it's sweet
cuddles, kisses,
what more can there be
your eyelash flutters in the air
they're prettier than mine,
oh how unfair
little pouty lips,
chubby cheeks,
puppy eyes
but that's not all that i like,
would choose those hands anytime.
not much bigger,
the perfect size.
a few shades darker,
gives a warm grasp.
pretty secure, hold tight,
don't lose me in the crowd.
my favorite hobby,
definitely watching you sleep.
there's just something so peaceful,
so intriguing about the way
your lips slowly part as you fall into a deep slumber
my heart's singing
la la la la la
hold tight,
hug me even tighter
i hope it's not too much,
the way i miss you,
how much i want to be in your arms
been months,
it's sweet
cuddles, kisses,
what more can there be
your eyelash flutters in the air
they're prettier than mine,
oh how unfair
little pouty lips,
chubby cheeks,
puppy eyes
but that's not all that i like,
would choose those hands anytime.
not much bigger,
the perfect size.
a few shades darker,
gives a warm grasp.
pretty secure, hold tight,
don't lose me in the crowd.
my favorite hobby,
definitely watching you sleep.
there's just something so peaceful,
so intriguing about the way
your lips slowly part as you fall into a deep slumber
my heart's singing
la la la la la
hold tight,
hug me even tighter
i hope it's not too much,
the way i miss you,
how much i want to be in your arms
Wednesday, 10 October 2018
sigh
someone's sigh,
is a sign
suffocating one's chest,
can you hear
gasping for air,
nobody can hear
can someone care
you never know how desperate
that one sigh was
the road to wars
the road to hate
others may not know
but i,
i know
you are clinging on to life
take a deep breathe
it'll be alright
let me hold you.
how can i give you comfort?
your sigh,
breaks my heart.
a soft sigh,
another hope lost
that soft sigh,
others can't hear it,
but it's ringing in you.
the siren is up,
now don't think of anything
rest
somebody's sigh,
listen carefully
listen to their urgent plea
hear that hopelessness
you've worked hard,
how could i ever show you that?
let me hold you
i'll hold you tight
till you fall asleep,
that heavy sigh,
occasionally
you let go a bit more than usual
i just want to tell you that
i'm here
i hear
that sigh,
i understand,
i really do.
is a sign
suffocating one's chest,
can you hear
gasping for air,
nobody can hear
can someone care
you never know how desperate
that one sigh was
the road to wars
the road to hate
others may not know
but i,
i know
you are clinging on to life
take a deep breathe
it'll be alright
let me hold you.
how can i give you comfort?
your sigh,
breaks my heart.
a soft sigh,
another hope lost
that soft sigh,
others can't hear it,
but it's ringing in you.
the siren is up,
now don't think of anything
rest
somebody's sigh,
listen carefully
listen to their urgent plea
hear that hopelessness
you've worked hard,
how could i ever show you that?
let me hold you
i'll hold you tight
till you fall asleep,
that heavy sigh,
occasionally
you let go a bit more than usual
i just want to tell you that
i'm here
i hear
that sigh,
i understand,
i really do.
humans
is it just me, or the world goes round round round.
we never see the good,
only blinded by the annoyance,
bow wow, there goes another mosquito buzzing
beep, another mistake.
yellow card, next time red card.
i don't see you acknowledging my efforts to improve
i don't see any praise.
or am i not praise worthy?
then there there, could i also not be blame worthy?
life's boring, really mundane.
do you remember those days,
where we chased the sunshine,
where we embraced the breeze?
bet you don't,
for there were never such times.
i've been in an endless chase with the thunder.
lightning strikes, warning me to run.
what's there left in my life, what again am i striving for,
i wonder.
we never see the good,
only blinded by the annoyance,
bow wow, there goes another mosquito buzzing
beep, another mistake.
yellow card, next time red card.
i don't see you acknowledging my efforts to improve
i don't see any praise.
or am i not praise worthy?
then there there, could i also not be blame worthy?
life's boring, really mundane.
do you remember those days,
where we chased the sunshine,
where we embraced the breeze?
bet you don't,
for there were never such times.
i've been in an endless chase with the thunder.
lightning strikes, warning me to run.
what's there left in my life, what again am i striving for,
i wonder.
Tuesday, 4 September 2018
Friday, 17 August 2018
my last words to you
these days, i must admit
i've been feeling lost, feeling empty.
not so much in the day,
for time flash by,
i get so busy,
i lose track of life.
yet at night,
when my mind slows down,
when i start thinking about everything,
oh boy i do miss you.
occasionally, when i pass by the lane we used to walk,
hand in hand,
laughter, pecks
we used to walk multiple rounds just so we could spend more time.
we used to talk about our future,
what we envisioned, the home we'll build together.
occasionally too, as my friends ask about us,
my heart aches as i have to blurt out our seperation
they dont get it,
me neither honestly.
truth to be told, i lied.
on that day you asked me if i stopped loving you,
i lied.
no i never stopped, i still do love you.
but i was a coward.
i wanted to run, i wanted to hide.
i wanted all my time for myself,
i wanted self-love.
i guess that's why i lied.
the getaway wasn't fun,
definitely just like what i imagined,
it was nightmare.
more so than occasionally,
your face right in my mind
those kid-like smile,
those dreamy eyes.
oh how much i want to send you a message
nothing much,
just want to encourage you, to hang in there.
but i guess you wouldn't like that
and i do understand why.
so in that corner of my heart, i do wish you'll find this post someday
and realise just how much i still love you,
just how much
i still care about you.
but
goodbye.
till the future, if we're meant to be.
i've been feeling lost, feeling empty.
not so much in the day,
for time flash by,
i get so busy,
i lose track of life.
yet at night,
when my mind slows down,
when i start thinking about everything,
oh boy i do miss you.
occasionally, when i pass by the lane we used to walk,
hand in hand,
laughter, pecks
we used to walk multiple rounds just so we could spend more time.
we used to talk about our future,
what we envisioned, the home we'll build together.
occasionally too, as my friends ask about us,
my heart aches as i have to blurt out our seperation
they dont get it,
me neither honestly.
truth to be told, i lied.
on that day you asked me if i stopped loving you,
i lied.
no i never stopped, i still do love you.
but i was a coward.
i wanted to run, i wanted to hide.
i wanted all my time for myself,
i wanted self-love.
i guess that's why i lied.
the getaway wasn't fun,
definitely just like what i imagined,
it was nightmare.
more so than occasionally,
your face right in my mind
those kid-like smile,
those dreamy eyes.
oh how much i want to send you a message
nothing much,
just want to encourage you, to hang in there.
but i guess you wouldn't like that
and i do understand why.
so in that corner of my heart, i do wish you'll find this post someday
and realise just how much i still love you,
just how much
i still care about you.
but
goodbye.
till the future, if we're meant to be.
Tuesday, 31 July 2018
if i could
aren't we always afraid
aren't we always wondering,
always wary of the unknown.
are we ever willing to sacrifice,
to take the first step in moving forward?
yet again, what if we fail?
what if...
if i could turn back time,
would i have done anything differently?
would i have taken more risk?
would i have changed anything?
if i could go to the future,
would i tamper with anything?
would i be disappointed in the human typing furiously now?
if i could read peoples' mind,
would i have changed my actions?
would i be more careful, or would it bring me more sorrow?
if i could look past people,
look into their ruins,
look at them searching for meaning,
then i'll probably realise that we aren't very much different.
up high, god knows.
as i weep in the dark, round the corner, someone is blankly listening to sad songs
someone is also typing furiously into a blank space
someone is too, hoping one day her voices would be heard.
and even though she denies, she would gladly appreciate any empathy that comes with it.
i think, it really does take courage to accept condolences,
to have someone else pat your shoulders, telling you that you are doing well.
to have that someone is something, but to accept that angel is another.
as time past by,
are we closer to our dreams, or do we just see it more clearly?
- see the fantasy we've created for ourselves,
see how far we actually are from those canvas we painted on.
tell me, how many have actually attained their dreams?
then tell me again,
how many have actually given up midway to their dream?
don't scoff at them, im sure they tried,
but oh how much they struggled,
and their visions faltered
leaving behind what we call,
regret.
aren't we always wondering,
always wary of the unknown.
are we ever willing to sacrifice,
to take the first step in moving forward?
yet again, what if we fail?
what if...
if i could turn back time,
would i have done anything differently?
would i have taken more risk?
would i have changed anything?
if i could go to the future,
would i tamper with anything?
would i be disappointed in the human typing furiously now?
if i could read peoples' mind,
would i have changed my actions?
would i be more careful, or would it bring me more sorrow?
if i could look past people,
look into their ruins,
look at them searching for meaning,
then i'll probably realise that we aren't very much different.
up high, god knows.
as i weep in the dark, round the corner, someone is blankly listening to sad songs
someone is also typing furiously into a blank space
someone is too, hoping one day her voices would be heard.
and even though she denies, she would gladly appreciate any empathy that comes with it.
i think, it really does take courage to accept condolences,
to have someone else pat your shoulders, telling you that you are doing well.
to have that someone is something, but to accept that angel is another.
as time past by,
are we closer to our dreams, or do we just see it more clearly?
- see the fantasy we've created for ourselves,
see how far we actually are from those canvas we painted on.
tell me, how many have actually attained their dreams?
then tell me again,
how many have actually given up midway to their dream?
don't scoff at them, im sure they tried,
but oh how much they struggled,
and their visions faltered
leaving behind what we call,
regret.
Wednesday, 18 July 2018
hate
i never thought i had the best
till i look back now
and regret not once cherishing it
would that be what i'll tell myself
a little further down the road,
or would i finally learn from my lesson
and embrace all the little demons
i hate it now
i hate it to the core
till i look back now
and regret not once cherishing it
would that be what i'll tell myself
a little further down the road,
or would i finally learn from my lesson
and embrace all the little demons
i hate it now
i hate it to the core
mom
oh, how time flies
where have you been all these while
a minute ago you were there
in a blink of an eye you're here
won't you be gone...soon?
i haven't had the chance to look at you properly
a glance to the right,
oh how much you've aged
have i ever done anything right?
all that you've done for me
was it all worth it
did i do you proud
your silent nights,
your weakened voice
who have you forgotten?
humans they drown in coffee
you probably drown in fatigue
how costly are feelings?
oh how priceless that would be for me
yet i've been treating yours
just like how i treat the sun
where have you been all these while
a minute ago you were there
in a blink of an eye you're here
won't you be gone...soon?
i haven't had the chance to look at you properly
a glance to the right,
oh how much you've aged
have i ever done anything right?
all that you've done for me
was it all worth it
did i do you proud
your silent nights,
your weakened voice
who have you forgotten?
humans they drown in coffee
you probably drown in fatigue
how costly are feelings?
oh how priceless that would be for me
yet i've been treating yours
just like how i treat the sun
Sunday, 15 July 2018
carousel
in this lonely city
there’s only you darling
round and round,
on the carousel
where’s the end, it’s probably never here.
are we close?
been long, my rose
buried in my heart,
untouched,cold.
still remember me, my foe
an innate feeling, never once gone.
im frustrated
like messiness in my heart
like tangled knots of art
Looking back, I see the kid
That same kid mocking me
‘bet you thought I was kidding’
black demon
the night falls
we’re back to bawl
it gets lonely
the quietness howls
It rings in my ears
It feeds the emptiness
it’s another day
one more that we fear
hollow, followed by sleeplessness
now we’re back to fight the black demon
Wednesday, 21 February 2018
the day before
today's the day before
tomorrow
tomorrow's the day of
reveal
after that
who knows what would be in store for me
i'll be honest,
a decade ago i'll never thought i would be here
just six years ago,
i feared where i'll end up in
today,
i'm surprisingly relaxed
maybe it hasn't hit me yet
maybe i am unprepared
maybe i am done
maybe there are so much more cluttering my mind
tonight,
i just pray i would fall asleep peacefully
tomorrow,
i just pray i'll be able to give myself a pat
you did your best
i'm not even yearning for a
you did well
i'm just wishing for
no regrets
what are my expectations
they asked
honestly,
no idea.
just like a decade ago
i have no idea where i'll go
oh, how people change
but i guess some things remain
going with the flow
to the unfamiliar,
that's probably habitual
tomorrow fix our destiny
will we get closer to our star
will the constellation change
where shall this parting bring us
take a deep breath
you'll be okay
no matter what happens
you got you
i'll love you for you
honestly
'you'll do well' isn't what i need tonight
why would you comfort me with an expectation
'i'll be here'
'you did your best'
tomorrow
tomorrow's the day of
reveal
after that
who knows what would be in store for me
i'll be honest,
a decade ago i'll never thought i would be here
just six years ago,
i feared where i'll end up in
today,
i'm surprisingly relaxed
maybe it hasn't hit me yet
maybe i am unprepared
maybe i am done
maybe there are so much more cluttering my mind
tonight,
i just pray i would fall asleep peacefully
tomorrow,
i just pray i'll be able to give myself a pat
you did your best
i'm not even yearning for a
you did well
i'm just wishing for
no regrets
what are my expectations
they asked
honestly,
no idea.
just like a decade ago
i have no idea where i'll go
oh, how people change
but i guess some things remain
going with the flow
to the unfamiliar,
that's probably habitual
tomorrow fix our destiny
will we get closer to our star
will the constellation change
where shall this parting bring us
take a deep breath
you'll be okay
no matter what happens
you got you
i'll love you for you
honestly
'you'll do well' isn't what i need tonight
why would you comfort me with an expectation
'i'll be here'
'you did your best'
Tuesday, 20 February 2018
to the boy i loved
you whom i loved,
i'll say i still love
the same you i broke
the boy i left hurt
apologies over repeatedly
my heart aches inhumanely
i wouldn't blame it on either of us,
and definitely me if i had to
those bright lit eyes
warm smile, perfect hands
that once made my day glow,
they still do
only now they make me grow
grow to learn how to live without those,
when i once never thought i could spend a day without you
our goodbye hug
tangled heartbeat
how i wish i could rewind what i just said
your puzzled eyes,
cold hands
did i do something wrong babe
no it's not you it's me
that cliche line came out
to the boy i loved,
i still do love you
probably still would in the future
so when the right time comes,
i hope you'll hand me a chance again
with that warm smile,
embrace me for the last time
i promise i won't leave when that time comes
i'll say i still love
the same you i broke
the boy i left hurt
apologies over repeatedly
my heart aches inhumanely
i wouldn't blame it on either of us,
and definitely me if i had to
those bright lit eyes
warm smile, perfect hands
that once made my day glow,
they still do
only now they make me grow
grow to learn how to live without those,
when i once never thought i could spend a day without you
our goodbye hug
tangled heartbeat
how i wish i could rewind what i just said
your puzzled eyes,
cold hands
did i do something wrong babe
no it's not you it's me
that cliche line came out
to the boy i loved,
i still do love you
probably still would in the future
so when the right time comes,
i hope you'll hand me a chance again
with that warm smile,
embrace me for the last time
i promise i won't leave when that time comes
wrong time
now, as the beat drops
i'm not really sure what to say
thankyou
sorry
i love you
i guess that's that
typing this as i'm listening to youtube
the mood's not really matching
song that's playing now : she's a baby
probably not what i am to you soon
well, can't blame you
i'll blame myself, if anything
oh, the song changed, something more moody now
sorry,
i can't reason out with myself just yet,
why i've been wanting to leave
but i guess i'll take this new journey to find out why
you're perfect,
the person i'll never want to leave in theory
but something's calling me back
something's telling me to take the leap
if we're meant to be, we will be
i'm still sorry, and sorry
i think i don't really deserve to be acting all heartbroken
but hey, who knew the breaker would break too
i guess it;s something i'll have to learn
independence, loneliness, fear
all these, better than hurting you,
and wasting your time now
i guess this is the perfect example of the perfect person but wrong time
i'll blame it on fate,
and time
but really,
it's so much of a blessing i wouldn't mind doing it again
i don't regret,
that's for sure
i'm thankful, and i just hope i left a beautiful memory in you too
i really don't get why
we would have to part ways and go back to being strangers.
would be great if we remained soul mates,
for you are such a precious gem i'll never want to lose
but for now,
i realize i'm more in love with the memories than you
i realize it's the time of self finding, of doing things i believe are more important
and i do earnestly pray that you'll still be the right person when the right time comes
i'm not really sure what to say
thankyou
sorry
i love you
i guess that's that
typing this as i'm listening to youtube
the mood's not really matching
song that's playing now : she's a baby
probably not what i am to you soon
well, can't blame you
i'll blame myself, if anything
oh, the song changed, something more moody now
sorry,
i can't reason out with myself just yet,
why i've been wanting to leave
but i guess i'll take this new journey to find out why
you're perfect,
the person i'll never want to leave in theory
but something's calling me back
something's telling me to take the leap
if we're meant to be, we will be
i'm still sorry, and sorry
i think i don't really deserve to be acting all heartbroken
but hey, who knew the breaker would break too
i guess it;s something i'll have to learn
independence, loneliness, fear
all these, better than hurting you,
and wasting your time now
i guess this is the perfect example of the perfect person but wrong time
i'll blame it on fate,
and time
but really,
it's so much of a blessing i wouldn't mind doing it again
i don't regret,
that's for sure
i'm thankful, and i just hope i left a beautiful memory in you too
i really don't get why
we would have to part ways and go back to being strangers.
would be great if we remained soul mates,
for you are such a precious gem i'll never want to lose
but for now,
i realize i'm more in love with the memories than you
i realize it's the time of self finding, of doing things i believe are more important
and i do earnestly pray that you'll still be the right person when the right time comes
Sunday, 7 January 2018
to you, that i wish would never get to read this
Do me a favour.
If you ever stumble upon this, pretend you don’t know it’s for you, stay oblivious like you always are, and don’t hate me for being a coward.
We can’t help it, for it's as if we live in the same dimension, but different universe.
For it’s as if our moons bowed to different gods.
For it’s as if our suns received different clocks.
It’s neither of our faults, but ill-fate i guess.
Our schedule shall never match,
our eyes shall never meet and rest.
Maybe what irks me isn’t so much of us living in opposite worlds,
but more of the lack of effort put into keeping us in the same galaxy.
Maybe what stirs me isn’t so much of what you’ve always blamed yourself for,
but rather my incapability to accept these differences.
Maybe, maybe, all these concerns just shows one thing,
that is we’re not meant to be.
Time would tell I guess,
if that would be our happy ending.
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