light

who am i without this light

will i still be alright

as i stand alone gazing into the night

when will i win this fight

gain the strength and might

to shine bright

why is everything dark

why do you make it sound easy

why does everyone tell me it will past

what am i suppose to wait for

for a future that i dont see future in

do you understand how i feel

how this dark engulfs me

it repels light

its like happiness surounds me

but im unable to feel it

im unable to touch it

i see the brightness

you shining in into me - it blinds me

my hands are up - i can't wait to embrace the warmth

but the closer i get

the more it burns me

reminding me that i'm not worthy of light

do you understand how cold it is here

take it easy - it will come to you

how can you make it sound so easy

tell me i've done enough 

tell me i've tried hard

but i know - as my breath stiffens

in this chilling world

how would you even know

i could have been better

who am i without this light

i will be alright

just like how i am tonight

except 

alright just meant i cried

alright just meant i sighed

as usual

alright is just so you feel right

just so you dont feel the need to comfort me anymore

just so i dont burden anyone anymore

with me feeling nothing close to alright

tell me again

if there is a god in this world

do you feel lonely too

do you feel me

as you watch us - what goes on in your mind

is it better to not feel

or feel so much that it doesnt feel like anything anymore

is it better to find peace

or be at peace with what i am now

is it better to be an empty soul

or be so overwhelmed with sorrows it kills

once again

who am i without this light

the only hope and sight

to keep me from falling from this height

the faint hint of hope that it will guide

me to somewhere where i'll be happy

somewhere.

where i can finally exist with the light.

poet | artist

i used to think oh how cool i am

so nonchalant so unbothered 

i never shed a tear when you left

and i wondered why people were so sentimental

afterall, they barely knew you - the real you

oh but what a fool i was

i ended up being the joke

i never felt it because i was too naive to understand 

how long you would be away for

how forever really meant a life time

how death meant never hearing from you again

how it meant the memories of you would no longer increase

and how it meant that the number of pictures we have of you would remain in 2017

i guess it’s slowly starting to hit me now

only when the world has started moving on

but you know what

we’ve never forgotten you

i would like to think that you have found your peace

i would like to think you’ve escaped from darkness

yet again

maybe that’s what we all want to think - just so we feel better

just like how we wanted to believe you were truly happy when you were still here

what if the pain never left you

what if you are still hurting 

would we have rather you stayed with us?

sometimes i wonder - did you want to be saved?

then i realise - why am i assuming staying is an act of salvation 

it would be for me, for us. but that would require you to be  selfless 

you know we miss you, we really do

i hope that you’ve felt true happiness at least once

i hope you are happy now

but i hope all this is a dream

i can’t say i understand you, nor can i say i would have been able to understand you

but i wonder if you felt like this too?

just sadness

emptiness 

and fear

of happiness

if you knew you will only be here for 27 years

would you have done anything differently?

im 27 now - and i wonder if this is how you felt

so what if i tell people i am sad - what would that change

and why am i even sad? 

i wonder too.

forever is really such a long time

so long that no amount of time can dampen it

so long that there is no hope i can hold on to 

forever is really so long

and unfortunately,

you are gone - forever.

i love you jjong, i respect you as an artist, human, and thank you.