1.15

always so afraid to chase my dreams
i really am afraid of what it takes

always envy what others achieve
but have i ever tried my best?

they say don't concern yourself with the what ifs
but these ifs take up a big stake

i'm always running
but only always towards a pile of mess

why are my dreams so far away
will i make it there before i break?

or am i thinking of the lion's share
when i really should be contented with what i have

it's been bothering me so much
my future that is far from being a cake

i've tried sharing my pain
but all people do is brush it off saying i need a rest

no i dont friends,
all i need now is a definite plot

i've always scoffed at the thought of reading the future
yet all i wish for now is someone to tell me
i wont rot

奥若拉

走遍了天涯海角 又回到了最傻的我
躺在血滩里 望着奥若拉
幻想坠入你的心里

至給渴求被爱的你 努力披上婚纱的恶魔
同伴笑她讀過童話 还信以为真
天使的存在

承诺是小孩说的谎言 而我相信了小孩
被伤得遍体鳞伤 瘫弱跪着添伤疤
还天真地等待你念魔咒

信仰是可笑的尽头 在星空下坠的夜晚
窒息的我是否还能留住 和你的记忆
试想爱得如此痛苦何为爱

所以我就最后一次 安静的熄灭
我仅剩的一只烟火 还未等到你
说是没期待但陷阱重重

火柴妹妹隐约看见了灯光 至少最后一口气
它是幸福的幻影
就让我继续自私下去 直到我被吞没

hush crush flush

hush little baby we don’t cry

we’ll crush them with every night

I’ll make you flush every bit of feelings down, 

one four six that’s right

now hush before the bag’s open up wide

and crushed that’s the fate of the cat, quick hide

you let it out and I’ll make sure I flush every bit of your throat down,

till your dead mama saves the night

now you know hush your sorrows shut

nobody cares they’ll only crush

they’ll treat you like shit, they’ll only flush, 

watch it swirl fast like art

hush baby those muffled cries

before I crush your bloody eyes

go to your bowl like you always do 

and flush down all of your stupid whys 

last warning I said hush all your witless whines

nothing is gonna be fine

are you crushed with this truth baby?

well don’t be, cause soon you’ll be flushed down with the time

self love;

i never knew learning to self love was something valid;

was i allowed to put down my responsibilities, just so i could find myself?

I’ve always thought: we’re all struggling in this, we are all drowning. 

One day, surely, the water will subside and I’ll be able to breathe.

It’s just a phase, it’s just the tides.

But no, you don’t wait for the water to be calm, you learn to paddle in the water. Self love is something we all have to learn, to survive.

I’ve been putting it off for the longest time; not sure if it was because I didn’t know how to go about it, or I just didn’t like the loneliness I felt while learning to swim in this big, big ocean.

As of now, I’m barely staying afloat. One more wave and I’ll be swept off.

I want to help the people around me, I want to bring them to the shore. I want to love people; but how can I do that when I can’t even save myself?

Self love is essential, self love is important. I’ll learn to fight this tide and I’ll be back for you all. 

Give me time will you? This is for me and all of you. 

Let’s learn together, we’ll eventually get there. I’ll see you all then.

thank you;

i'm beyond grateful
for you who makes my heart full

thank you
for loving me

i'll be back soon

human

'don't i look ugly when i cry?'
i looked up, sobbing

he looked at me, and fondled with my hair lovingly
'no, you look human'

'it's the most human i've ever seen of you'

get out of my face

what frequency in your brains makes you think
you are entitled to control the air i breathe?

i'll rather suffocate than smell the bullshit you engulf me in
fuck you and your wicked ideology
cuff me down i'll break my arms, burn your house
attention, i can't wait to see what other genocide you're involved in

kill your second kid, just like what you did with your eldest
she's dead, lil girl is gone, what's left is her cold soul
soft in your actions, looking exemplary but bitch you're the loudest
stop yapping, ah forgot you're an old canine

abortion, that's what you should have done
would have prevented a contortion in the world
aryan race would have thanked you, nobel prize i'll give it to you
but welcome man to the jews, in this game of life,
you rolled it once, never twice

your teaching failed, but i aint a defect
the way you see me is the effect
wake up your mind,
threaten me,  i'll make sure to paint your mailbox black

heartless i sound but just as cold as your eyes,
my words are freezing and i hope it gives you hypothermia
in my world of winter, you're the ice

you really think tears solve it all?
think again, tears of the wolf are useless
would have nominated you for oscar but sorry
i could cry better than you

joke's on you

leave me alone

for god sake
can you just fuck off

i trigger you
i irk you
you just want me out

guess what
same here
can you just fuck off