23

been too long since

where are we now

are we still asking how

or do we finally have it figured out

completed a milestone,

started on what they say ‘you’ve grown’

but have i really figured it out

i can say with certainty, no

it is just not in me yet

the courage to be

instead of contend

the peace to settle and be content

while trying to succeed

i fell to my defeat

the hurdle i fear 

shall trip me at my feet

where do i go now

the uncharted dream

or the departed gleam

just like before, im a bleak

twenty three, a beautiful riddle

sadly we’re no longer cradled

soon to be graded again

on what we had finally gained

thirty two, will i finally claim

the yearned ignited flame

the life i’ll live bright

proud and without shame

for now, my golden age

i hope i don’t disappoint

it kills me right now 

pathing where we would be caged

time

flying through life - when will fatigue ever hit

children wished it flapped faster

youths fear the minute master

while the old - desperate to break their wings

the fourth dimension of reality

moving forward is our only flee

please hear my fears and plea

stop any further growing spree

to have a moment is charity

for a flash is familiarity 

the last turn showed childhood

and suddenly comes adulthood

next up family and disconnection

but the mind is still stuck in reflection

reminiscing those who showed affection

and those who stayed through rejection

lost so many along the way

one day let's meet again at the bay

in the breeze we'll talk about our day

just like how before we pathed away

there's so much to share

yet nothing to say

just please know that i really miss you

to all my friends

never enough (for you)

sitting in the corner
all alone huddled
the cold air blows
cooling those frozen shadows

this life is not for long
war shall be over with any wrong
while loath silently screams like a song

tipping toes all around
any second one man's down
to leave or to drown
is that even a choice in town

never enough
all efforts poofed in a puff
only the bad will be remembered
save the good for december

back in the corner
an empty shell
both mourned
and the mourner

confession: of a social butterfly 's friend

dazzling the dance floor

mesmerizing more

beside her, there's me - the bore

appreciate your sincerity

but how much of this did you share with the city

it's no surprise though - that's why you are pretty

of course i wish you well

just maybe as well as me

that means you'll have to dim yourself

in order to see me

your laughter is euphoria

sounds amazing and real

yet i kneel

for you to shut your squeal

because i sense your sham

to keep up with your image - all a scam

why can't you learn loyalty

be genuine to me and only me

i don't want a piece of your heart

if everyone gets a part

it's like you are a mart

selling yourself out just for hugs

i'm just another one of them

whom you fake a smile at

so that i'll join your clan

no way i'll believe you 

go have fun with your fake friends

anyways that's where you hang 

he who engulfs me

 just one more, this is the last

oh how often i've heard him laugh

i fall into the dark hole

everyday as i try to crawl

today shall be a fresh start

he just listens with a smug

once again i fail

and the cycle repeats and start

in agony i indulge

but i forget soon after

the momentum rides on

and i can never stop

binge eating became my comfort

from the judgments 

i wasn't worthy anymore

now that i've lost self-control

where have you gone

i can't remember anymore

how did i look

how proud i've once made you

in time to come

i pray i'll recover

because i'm tired

so tired of living

any longer

dull

tonight, i am tired to even write
the lights, they are blurry yet bright
can i return to where i was
where i didn’t need to hide

will i ever return

or will i yearn the same down the road

truth is, i am angry 

the world gave me so much

yet greed engulfs me

what happens when we lose joy?

wishing becomes pointless, 

laughter becomes sinister 

through my lens, i judge the world

silence becomes normal

blankly looking into the horizon; 

all we see is dullness

just one more day, 

that’s what we always say

time passes and becomes everyday 

when i leave, know that i am always grateful

why didn’t i show when i lived?

i don’t know

me at 21 was still struggling

the world seemed smaller

she looked bigger

stronger, they say 

but really, her walls just moved closer

she no longer anticipated

she no longer explored

just when others are living their best

she withered

her youth just started and it was over

“things will be better”

i can’t wait for all these to be over.

reminder

where are you
quietly you left 
with every breath
you faded with time
left me with no chance 
to say a goodbye

is the world to blame
they say people change
but the world; still a hurricane
maybe my threshold rose
and hurried you to wane

what is this about?
not merely just a smile
but what it represents
long ago they asked 
what i wanted to be 
should have answered 'happy'

doesn't it scare you 
how time engulfs you
the more you live and see
the more you wish you didn't

oh the irony
i used to wish i never grew
so that i could be free and loose
well i still do
only now because 
i can't bear to imagine
how much more of you 
i'll lose

so here i shall remind you
smile more, capture more
for down the road you will see
you wouldn't do it anymore